In This Life: Life

Do You Know That When You're Headed for a Breakup

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:01:50 GMT

Several minutes ago, when I browsed Yahoo! website, I found an interesting article titled Relationship Breakup Signals on the homepage. I'm not in a relationship. Neither I was. However, I regarded it as interesting and useful.

It would be very nice if someone could tell that he and his partner were headed for falling out before it happened. We all wish we could do that. According to the author of this article, we can predict a break up. And furthermore, with just a little bit of tweaking, we can get back on track and rescue our relationship before it hits the rocks.

This must be heart-stirring news. It gives us much hope. Let's see what on earth these signals are.

Signal 1: Tuning out

One of the most common reasons that relationships fail is because one or both partners is tuning out. It might sound mirror, but actually, few things are more hurtful than being ignored by your loved one, whether that's accompanied by emotional neglect or physical distance.

The Cure: Take Down the Wall

Tuning back in is easy. All you have to do is agree to listen to your partner's feedback and dedicate time and emotion to the relationship again.Start taking down the emotional wall, bit by bit. Look at your partner in the eyes when he or she speaks, make physical contact daily and re-commit to the relationship.

Signal 2: Fighting Fire with Fire

Couples who fight fire with fire can expect a relationship that is constantly up in flames. Name-calling, sarcasm, criticism, and violence result in emotional wounds that are hard to heal and relationships that are hard to rescue.

The Cure: Pour Water on the Flames

The next time you feel anger guiding you to say, or do, things you might regret, take time to cool off. If that's not possible, try framing your complaints as requests. For instance instead of, "Why did you forget our date?", you could say, "I feel sad that you forgot our date. How can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" If your partner is the one who is fanning the flames, don't engage in the vicious cycle of insults and tantrums. You can't fight fire with fire if the other person won't engage in the flame-throwing.

Signal 3: Refusing to Own Up

No one is perfect. So why is it that some of us refuse to take responsibility in our most important relationships? Passing the buck and playing the victim are surefire ways to put a relationship in jeopardy.

The Cure: Take Responsibility for Your Actions

The next time you forget an anniversary, or say something hurtful to your spouse, don't try to pass the buck and refuse to take responsibility. Instead, admit where you went wrong and try harder next time. Sounds simple... But it can save your relationship.

I believe most of visitors to my space are in a relationship with someone. Maybe some of you encountered these troubles or will encounter them some day. I don't mean to see you break up with your partner. I'm not cursing you. I just hope these above useful and could help you get out of troubles, if something wrong really happened. If our relationship can keep intact by making simple changes to the way we and our partners communicate, why don't we make it? We can't avoid fighting and arguing. But it is how we fight and argue that determines whether our love can weather the storm.

Briefly, we can enjoy the niceness of our beautiful love. In this case, why not make it better?

Snow

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 21:47:17 GMT

It's snowing, though lightly.

I don't know the exact time when it began.

But I can see snowflakes dancing in the sky.

As well as falling.

I didn't take DC with me.

Or else I would take the beautiful scene.

It seldom snows this winter.

Especially downtown.

Even if it's the real north.

Maybe it's global warming working.

Whatever, it will be totally white outside.

When I wake up.

I'm Being Back

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 14:37:50 GMT

Hey, I would like to tell everyone that, I'm Being Back!

I'm back eventually after being away for some days. I'm excited to be able to see you and show you what I write again. It makes so happy.

I haven't written any post for nearly a month. I haven't used Windows Live Writer for nearly a month, either. Actually, I'm willing to post my words here every day. During the days when I was away, I once thought about getting back and writing something. I like writing. It really seems tempting. After all, I stopped this kind of idea moving. That's because I gave you my word.

Now I'm back. I can publish posts again. I like the life style as a blogger. I never write private diaries. I prefer to keep what I'm thinking alone in my mind rather than make it public. However, I'm fond of post what I'm thinking online and here, even if I think it alone sometimes. And it's your coming and leaving comments that encourage to write more. I really appreciate it.

Now the winter holidays have begun formally. In other words, I could be somewhat free and have enough time to update this space. I will.

And I hope all of you and anyone else will always come and leave some comments. No matter what kind they are of, suggestions, advice, encouragement and criticisms, are all expected to be shared.

Away for Some Days

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 16:43:00 GMT

I'm afraid that I'll be away for some days.

I'm not willing to leave here, but I have to do that.

As we know, Graduate Candidate Test will be held next January. It's one of the most examinations I have taken and will take during my lifetime. It can be said to be a crucial point which will impact on my life. It will be a determinant turn. All the plans I will make in future rely on it.

Whether I have been ready or not, it's coming. I can't avoid being tested. I'm upset now. And I thought a lot about the question that how it will affect my future. So it's not necessary to talk about it again.

Making such a painful decision is very difficult. I'm not sure whether you can feel what I am feeling. But don't worry for me. I will be back in twenty days, I promise. I won't update entries here in the following days. However, I will still come in and see your comments every day. Sorry for that.

I don't care what the result is. I will accept anything that happens to me.

If you want to read the next entry of me, wait for a few weeks, maybe. You can also send me an E-mail when you are free.

See you.

P.S. The weather forecast says it will snow heavily today. Really? No evidence at present. I'm looking forward to feeling the coming white scene.

Merry Christmas

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 03:52:39 GMT

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Tonight is Christmas Eve. It's one of the most beautiful nights in western countries. Santa Claus, Christmas trees, Christmas carols, and even stockings and gifts. We are all familiar with all these beautiful things. They really sound very nice.

But today, I won't talk more about Christmas here. I have written some posts about Christmas during the past few years.And I also talked about the cultural exchange between China and western countries. That is, I have no comments now.

With the thorough development of the Reform and Opening-up, Christmas Day is more and more popular in China. We couldn't avoid commenting on it any more. Christmas Day has been a worldwide festival.

So I just come here and say Merry Christmas to all of you.

Besides, Happy New Year!

The Coming Birthday

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:58:44 GMT

I'm getting one year older. I wouldn't like to be, but I have to be.

I still remember that at this time of last year, I wrote a entry When Birthday Is Coming. I showed everyone my being confused and unhappy. In order to avoid boring repeat, I title this entry The Coming Birthday. However, this entry is still about my confusion and unhappiness.

It's a real picture of my current situation. So if you say happy birthday to me, I will appreciate it. But I don't care. In fact, few people know my exact birthday date. Most of past years, I got through my birthday peacefully. So I will this year, maybe.

When I was at home, celebration of birthday was not regarded enough in my family. It seemed that family wasn't used to celebrate one's birthday ceremoniously. At that time, I just ate two eggs which Mum cooked for me on my birthday. No cakes.

Then far away from home. I tried to celebrate my birthday every year. I had tried. But the fact was I still did anything special on that day. People around me seldom knew my birthday and I found celebrating a birthday was too expensive, i.e., it's unnecessary to celebrate the birthday. So my birthday looked like other ordinary days. At most, I wrote some articles to commemorate it.

This birthday is my last birthday at university. But till now I haven't planned to hype it up. It seems to be peaceful again. I choose to put a picture of birthday cake here.

Comparing to the birthday, I pay more attention to my future. What is my career plan? And what is the direction of my life?

Where am I going?

Moonnight

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:36:49 GMT

Happy Mid-Autumn Day!

Today is Mid-Autumn Day, one of the traditional Chinese Festivals. According to the traditional custom, every family sit together in the moonnight. People eat mooncakes as they come out to watch the full moon. It's a very day of family reunion. In China we cherish it very much.

However, as time goes by, people, especially the youth, seem to pay less attention to the celebration. It's not indispensable any more. And the fast paced life doesn't give us much spare time to celebrate it. Except the mooncake economy, I can't find any meaning else. What impresses me most is the high price of mooncake. Honestly, I hate this very much. It is just a hype.

Now I'm far away from home. What else would I do? No mooncakes, no celebration. And it's difficult to see the moon clearly in urban Beijing. Only neon lights and clouds meet my eyes. So I choose to stay at the dormitory rather than go out. I choose to be alone.

It's the last Mid-Autumn Day at university. When the next Mid-Autumn Day comes, where will I be?